


Black Veil

by Milieu



Category: Bandom, Black Veil Brides
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Drama, Human Sacrifice, M/M, Marriage, Minor Violence, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-08-25 20:44:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16667989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milieu/pseuds/Milieu
Summary: Every several generations, a small human settlement gives up one of their own to the god of death, to ensure good fortune for the next few centuries.This century, Ashley draws the short straw.





	Black Veil

There were things you never questioned until the absolute worst moment to question them. Beliefs that were supposed to support you, only for them to crumble when the time came to truly test them. There were things you grew up with, things you took for granted for so long, that when they abandoned you, you were left adrift. Nothing to keep you afloat except for yourself, if you could manage it.

And how were you to manage in the face of the world turning its back on you?

For Ashley, that moment came when he won the lottery.

It had never seemed real enough to be serious, growing up. Sometimes, the older population would look at the younger villagers and mutter, or simply gaze through them, lost in thought. Even they weren't old enough to remember the last lottery, though, and most of them wouldn't live to see the new one. There was just the truth that nobody thought about most of the time: that eventually, the day marked on the old records would come.

Nobody quite knew how it had started, but over the generations, the ritual had come to be called a marriage. One member of the village, cast into the arms of death and forever joined to the ruler of the underworld.

Everyone knew the rules. All healthy, able-bodied young adults were eligible. All of them were herded into the village plaza, and a headcount was done to make sure nobody was trying to dodge responsibility. It was generally accepted that anyone who tried would be deemed unworthy and wouldn't be chosen regardless, but the thought of having to live on with all your friends and family knowing you as a coward was almost worse than the thought of winning.

"Winning," ha.

Ashley had never felt any less like he'd won something when everyone had finally pulled a stone from the old basin, and he opened his palm to find that his stone was perfectly jet black, so dark it didn't even reflect the sunlight.

Maybe, up until that moment, he'd felt something like conviction. At least, everyone else seemed to believe in what they were doing, and that was enough for him to go along. Now, he was questioning whether he'd ever really believed at all, with how quickly that belief had fled.

It might have been funny to think about, if the issue had been something besides the fact that Ashley had been slated to die for what felt like no reason at all.

Within seconds of the revelation, people had pressed in at all sides, keeping him from moving of his own accord. The village priest had been saying something, but it reached Ashley's ears as meaningless noise. He'd been herded away to the little shack on the outskirts, on the far opposite side of the village from the temple. They really needn't have bothered; he was suddenly so numb that he probably wouldn't have been able to flee if he'd even thought about it.

The numbness hadn't lasted, though. Night had fallen by now, and Ashley had come to a decision.

The gods, whatever they might be and whether they existed at all, could go fuck themselves.

Someone stood guard at the door, but he'd been there all day. Ashley watched the shadow he cast through the warped doorframe, noting when the guard's head bobbed forward until he caught himself and straightened up again. Sooner or later, he wasn't going to shake himself awake in time.

Ashley's plan could barely even be called that. There were dense woods on one side of the village and mountains on the other; this wretched shack was near the treeline. Eventually, there would be an opening, and Ashley would bolt for the trees.

What was out there? Some claimed to know, but nobody really did. Criminals. Monsters. Maybe nothing but endless forest, filled with vicious wildlife and nowhere safe to rest.

But it was better than the stories told about the underworld, which people also professed to know but never could until it was too late.

The stories varied but all were horrible. A silent road, eons long, until you reached the other side. A landscape that human eyes couldn't comprehend, so that you would be struck blind if you ever looked directly at it or at the inhuman things that dwelt there. A river made not of water, but of souls that shrieked and called out to you as it rushed along. Deep, dark pits where those who had been wicked suffered all the torments they'd inflicted on others.

Death itself, so unknowable that not even blasphemers dared to give it a recognizable form in works of art. Always just a dark mass. They called it the king or the lord of the underworld, because every realm had to have a ruler, but nobody seemed sure that there really was a being that could be understood as an individual. Maybe there really was nothing but a  _force_.

Maybe all of that was wrong, and there was just _nothing_.

Ashley didn't intend to find out anytime soon.

He was tired, but nervous energy kept him alert. As he kept watch, the shadow of the guard posted just outside lolled forward once more, and this time didn't rise back up.

Ashley waited with baited breath, silently rising to his feet. When he heard the faint beginning of a snore, he didn't think. He just ran.

He barreled into the door without bothering to try and open it properly, sending it swinging and ricocheting off the side of the shack with a bang. Ashley's erstwhile guardian jolted awake and began to shout. Ashley didn't pause for a single second as he bolted for the trees.

His heart was in his throat the whole time he ran. Once you passed more than a few feet into the treeline, the plant life grew so dense that visibility was almost nonexistent in the middle of the night. More than once, Ashley stumbled and just barely caught himself. He kept going until his lungs burned and his legs felt like lead, unable to tell over the pounding of his heart and the sound of his ragged breathing whether anyone was closing in on him.

Finally, he stumbled and was unable to pick himself back up when he fell.

Face down in the dirt, gasping for breath, Ashley strained to hear anything around him besides the quiet movements of the forest. There was nothing.

Ashley went limp with relief, not bothering to rise from the ground until he'd gotten his breath back. His hair and clothes were stuck to his skin with sweat, and his heart was still pounding, but he'd made it -- for now.

They'd be searching for him in the morning, but for now he-

Somewhere, far too close behind him, a twig snapped.

Without a second thought, Ashley bolted off again into the darkness. He didn't stop until he fell again, and exhaustion claimed him before he could get up.

\---

When Ashley opened his eyes again, sunlight streamed weakly through the dense foliage. He couldn't tell what time of day it was, not that it mattered.

His instincts told him to continue where he'd left off before passing out: getting as far away from his village as possible. His body ached too much with exhaustion and hunger pains to follow through with it.

Instead, he pulled himself up, stumbled a few steps to the nearest collection of underbrush, and collapsed again, curling up beneath the brush to stay out of sight. He was asleep again within minutes.

\---

It seemed like an eternity, but Ashley really only lasted about a day and a half on the run.

He ate what he could forage or scavenge, wandered in what he thought was the direction he'd been going originally, and then he slept again.

Late the next morning, he was awoken by shouting. Before he could react, several pairs of arms yanked him out of the brush he'd been sheltering in, and a blow to the head ended his struggling before it could really begin.

\---

There was no telling how many days the next part lasted.

The first time Ashley came to, he was forcibly given something to drink that tasted thick and bitter on his tongue. It made his head swim and his limbs heavy. Alertness came in snatches, and whenever things began to clear, he was given more.

Through the blur, Ashley was half-carried and half-dragged through whatever ceremonials were going on with him at the center.

The priests droned on and on, and he barely absorbed any of their words. During one such speech, he heard someone weeping. During most, though, he only heard hushed, reverent whispers.

At one point, he had enough strength to raise his head, and he gazed blearily into the crowd occupying the temple. He thought he saw the faces of his relatives, but they turned away when he met their eyes. He couldn't tell if they were pained at what he was going through, or ashamed that he'd tried to flee.

Whenever he was alert enough to remember just what was going on, he wanted to scream, but someone was always there with the drink before he could.

\---

Awareness finally seeped back in like the sun slowly peeling over the horizon.

By the time Ashley realized where he was and what was going on, it was too late.

He was, as always, surrounded. There was a person on either side of him, holding him up -- and keeping a tight enough grip on his arms that he wouldn't be able to twist out of their grasp and escape. He could take in himself, and his stomach churned when he realized what he was wearing: an extravagant mockery of finely embroidered wedding robes, as jet black as the stone that had landed him here.

Everywhere he looked, groggy as he was, what he found only made the sick feeling of dread worse. Ashley, the priests, whoever they'd recruited to help, and a small crowd of onlookers were deep within the village temple, where nobody but the priests were ever allowed.

In the center of the chamber, straight ahead of Ashley and the men restraining him, was a pit carved into the stone floor and down through the ground below, so deep that he couldn't see what lay within it.

Once again, he wanted to scream, but his throat closed up. As always, the priests droned on.

They were reciting marriage rites.

 _Run_ , Ashley's mind begged him, but his body wouldn't obey. The best he could do was to shift around weakly, and the men on either side of him only tightened their hold in response.

Through the fog in his head that was slowly but surely clearing, Ashley heard the last of the rites given.

One of the priests turned away from the crowd and approached him, holding a bundle of black cloth. Ashley recoiled as the man reached out, but of course he went nowhere.

The priest settled the veil on Ashley's head and drew it down over his face, obscuring his vision.

"Look not upon the underworld before you are a part of it," the priest said to him in a low voice. "Avert your gaze from that plane which mortals cannot comprehend, or prove yourself unworthy of its sight forever."

Ashley felt, rather than saw, the priest step back. Following a cue that was lost on him, the two men holding Ashley's arms stepped forward, pulling him with them. Ashley made no effort to move his feet, letting them drag him.

He was sure that at any moment, he'd find his strength and break away, right up until the lip of the pit slid into view beneath the edge of the veil.

As he was hauled up to the precipice, Ashley finally found the ability to scream.

The only mercy was that when he finally hit the ground, he only felt it for an instant.

\---

The first thing that Ashley was aware of next was the silence. He had never truly experienced a total absence of sound before; even in the quietest moments he could remember, there had always been his own breathing and heartbeat.

The first realization after that thought was that he no longer had a pulse.

The next realization was that at least his lungs still worked well enough that he could finally catch up on all the screaming that had been denied to him. He took the opportunity for what it was worth.

Ashley screamed out until his throat protested, his own distorted voice echoing back at him in the dark. The veil was still draped over his face, sucking against his mouth whenever he drew in breath to scream again. He couldn't make out any light through or around it.

He was at the bottom of the pit, or somewhere even worse.

When Ashley's screams finally died away, he wasn't even out of breath. He tried holding his breath; it made no difference. He never needed to gasp for air.

The horrible finality of the situation crashed down on him, and Ashley couldn't do anything but laugh, hysteria edging in until it took over. He curled up on the ground, cackling until he began to cry. He pressed his hands over his face, digging his fingers into the fabric of the veil and nearly tearing it off before catching himself.

Was there really anything to fear seeing if he uncovered his eyes?

Maybe there wasn't, but he couldn't convince himself of it enough to go through with it. It was the same fear that had made him run instead of facing whatever and wherever he now was head-on. 

The even worse thought was that there would be nothing to see but endless darkness, whether he was blind or because there really was nothing surrounding him.

So that was it, then. Ashley's body was at the bottom of the temple pit, probably on a pile of bones left by whatever unlucky bastards had been thrown in over the centuries before him, and the essence of him was here, curled in the fetal position and all alone in the dark. He had no idea how long he stayed there, feeling incredibly sorry for himself and lonely on top of it.

Then the first noise not caused by himself reached his ears. After a moment of confusion, it resolved itself into the familiar sound of footsteps.

Ashley immediately wanted to go back to being alone.

His instinct was to hide or flee from whatever was approaching him, but where was there to go? He settled for curling up tighter and trying to make himself small and unnoticeable.

There was no change in pace or direction of the footsteps. Whatever was coming towards him already knew he was there.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Maybe he should have run after all. Shit. Fuck.

The footsteps carried on steadily, closer and closer and oh fuck it he was running. Ashley jerked up, staggered to his feet, and got exactly three steps from where he had been laying before something grabbed him by the wrist.

"Hey," the something said.

"Hey," Ashley did not say back because he was too busy yelling and flailing at the voice and hand with his free arm. Several of the panicked blows landed, only drawing a grunt in reaction before his other arm was seized.

"Let go of me!" Ashley snapped, trying not to cringe at how his voice came out weak and shaky. "Get away!"

"Get away?" The voice echoed. It was deep and masculine, and its tone was more inquisitive than threatening. Ashley was almost more put-off by how...  _normal_ it sounded. Like just another man.

"Yes," Ashley repeated, slightly steadier when it seemed like he wasn't going to be manhandled further. He'd had more than enough of that by now. "Let me go and leave me alone."

"Leave you alone?" The voice repeated again. Ashley furrowed his brow in irritation, though of course it was obscured by the veil. Before he could snap at his newfound conversation partner, the voice continued, "I came all this way to get you. I can't leave you here."

It -- he -- didn't sound upset. More like he was speaking with measured, gentle patience, the way one would to a child. It wasn't doing much for Ashley in his agitated state. After being held hostage, drugged, and fucking  _murdered_ by his own neighbors, he wasn't in the mood to be treated like he was stupid.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He snapped. "Who  _are_ you?"

"I don't have a name yet."

"Wow, that's incredibly helpful and also makes a ton of sense." Ashley tried to pull his arms free of the man's grasp, without success. He was just going to assume that it was a reasonably human-like man that he was dealing with, at least. He still wasn't keen on lifting the veil, and now that he'd gotten his hysterics out for a bit, he was comfortable not dwelling on any other possibilities. Ashley was finding himself more irritated than anything else now, which was at least better than being paralyzed with fear.

All he got was a soft chuckle in response. "You can name me, if you want."

"That sounds like the exact opposite of what you should do if you run into a demon, or whatever you are, so I think I won't," Ashley retorted. "Now let me  _go_."

"And where are you going to go if I do? Do you know where you are?"

"I-" That gave Ashley pause, much as he was loathe to concede the point. He couldn't recover in time to give a convincing answer.

"Where do you think you'll find your way to, wandering around all alone with that thing on your head?" The voice was still soft and patient, but there was an edge of amusement at Ashley's expense. Ashley huffed, but the depressing reality was that the voice was right. He had no idea where he was in the physical sense, if there was even anywhere else for him to go, and he was effectively blind. Even if he caught snatches of his surroundings beneath the edge of the veil as he moved, all it told him was that it was very dark wherever he was.

"Look, even if I don't have answers for that, you expect me to just trust you and go wherever you lead me?"

When the voice responded, the amusement had faded from it. "Do you think I'd harm you?"

Ashley tugged his arms from the man's grasp, this time successfully. He slid his hands beneath the veil and pressed them over his eyes, massaging at the stress tension in his skull. "In case you missed my saying so, I don't know who or what you even are." He dropped his hands again with a sigh. "I guess if you're going to drag me off somewhere to eat me or whatever, that's only barely worse than everything else though, so-" He shrugged helplessly, trailing off into nothing.

The man seemed to mull over that for a few moments before responding. "You have very strange ideas." He took one of Ashley's hands again, raising it and pressing it against his face. Instinctively, Ashley curled his fingers to cup the man's cheek, feeling the angles of his cheekbones and jaw. At the very least, it felt like a human face.

"See? I'm like you. Unless you're hiding something unusual under that veil." The man's other hand brushed the edge of the veil, and Ashley drew back.

"Don't do that."

"Why not? If you're disfigured, I won't mind. I've seen worse."

Ashley sighed in exasperation. "You are  _so_ bad at being reassuring. Also for your information, I look completely normal. And in fact I'm good-looking. And I don't care what you think of what me anyway, so there." This was really where he was at. Childish comebacks to some mysterious annoying person.

He was still touching the guy's face, too, but his hand was held in place and would probably not be released if he tried to pull away completely. Fending off his annoyance and confusion for a moment, he gave in to curiosity and raised his other hand to the man's face. The good news was, the other half of his head also felt normal. Young, too, no lines or sagging skin that Ashley could tell. Ashley's fingertips brushed thick hair framing the man's face, then traveled down along his jaw and beneath his chin.

There was no pulse in his neck, a jarring reminder of Ashley's own state.

Unease returning, Ashley pulled his hands back again, and he was allowed to do so without resistance. He folded his hands inside the sleeves of his robe. There was a lingering warmth on his fingertips from touching the other man; now that he thought about it, the air here was stagnant, but the temperature was comfortable. Ashley would have expected choking heat or freezing cold. The two of them should both be cold as corpses, but they weren't.

"I don't understand anything," he said finally. "I mean, I kind of do, but- you're dead, right? Like me?"

"Well... not quite," the man admitted. "I was never alive, really. Not in the same way that you were."

Ashley closed his eyes, though it made no difference. Just a gesture of frustration. "So what the hell are you? Why won't you just give me an answer?"

For the first time, the man hesitated noticeably before responding. "You really don't know?"

"Why would I pretend I didn't know if I actually did?" Ashley snapped.

"I thought that you were confused because you were disoriented... or upset."

"I'm both of those things," Ashley said dryly. "But it doesn't change the fact that I don't know whatever you seem to be expecting me to know."

"Oh." There was another pause, longer than the last one. When the voice returned, the easy confidence from before had flagged noticeably. "You... you really weren't educated about  _anything_?"

"I just spent weeks drugged out of my mind against my will, and then the village priests threw me down a big hole. If anybody tried explaining whatever you're on about to me, I didn't catch it," Ashley deadpanned. Somehow, it was easier for him to remain steady now that the other man was starting to sound less assured.

"Oh," the man said again. He sounded very put-out. In literally any other circumstances, Ashley might have felt a little sorry for him. The silence stretched on for several more moments before he spoke again. "You were hurt," he said, half-questioning.

Ashley frowned. There was only the faint memory of pain, but... "Yes."

"And scared?" He was starting to sound upset. Ashley edged back a step before it occurred to him that doing so probably wouldn't help.

"Yes."

Again, "Oh." This time, he said no more.

Ashley wasn't sure what to do with himself as the silence closed in on them again. He could feel unhappiness almost like a physical aura radiating off the other man --  _was_ he a man? He had felt human, but...

Well, whatever he was, now he was just as confused and unhappy as Ashley. They'd made the opposite of progress. Ashley sighed, again reaching under the veil to rub his hand over his face. The one thing that was clear was that whatever either of them had expected or wanted, they hadn't gotten it. He didn't want to stand here forever while his erstwhile companion stewed in his own thoughts, though. If they weren't talking, all there was to do was relive what had gotten him here in the first place.

"Um," he started. A faint movement seemed to indicate that he'd gotten the man's attention again. "I asked you your name but I realized I didn't tell you mine. It's Ashley."

For a moment, he thought that he wouldn't get a response, but the voice spoke up again. "That's nice," he said. He still sounded upset. "It's pretty," he added, evidently realizing how unenthusiastic he sounded. "I, um... well like I told you, I don't have a name yet."

"Why not?" Ashley asked, crossing his arms again and absently rubbing his hand along his sleeve.

"Nothing is born already named, right?" He said, a note of lightness returning to his tone.

"That makes it sound like you were just born."

"In a sense, yes."

Ashley worried at his lower lip with his teeth. "I still don't understand," he said finally. "Aren't you an adult? Are you... you're not human, are you?"

"No." Well. That was a simple answer.

"...Can you elaborate?" Getting answers out of this man was like pulling teeth. He really did seem put-out that Ashley had no idea what was going on, but that wasn't going to cause the answers to spontaneously materialize in Ashley's mind.

The voice was reluctant. "You might not like me if I do."

Ashley rolled his eyes. "I don't know you enough to like or dislike you. But I'd like you more if you would tell me what I want to know instead of dodging the question."

There was a quiet sigh. "Well, in the simplest terms, I'm... what you would call a god."

"Oh." It took a few seconds for everything to click, and then Ashley's eyes flew wide. "Oh, you- oh my god, you're Death!"

Shit. Shit. He had completely failed to take into account the one thing he actually  _did_ know- that the god of death itself was supposed to collect him as a sacrifice. They'd been standing here talking in circles for who knew how long, and it hadn't even occurred to him. Now he'd gone and upset a  _god_. He felt like he should do something, but he was frozen in place as he struggled to process his realization.

Whatever response he'd expected his epiphany to get, it wasn't the weak chuckle that he received. "That's right. And you... you're my bride."

Ashley had nothing to say to that, in mute shock.

"Er... husband? Since you're a man?" The man -- Death? Was it proper to call him that? -- tried again when Ashley didn't respond.

"I thought that the 'marriage' bit was metaphorical," Ashley said weakly.

"The 'marriage bit' is the entire point of the ceremony," Death said unhappily. "It's supposed to be a joyous occasion. The start of a new cycle. Whatever they did to you instead... something's been lost, and they made it into something horrible for you."

Ashley felt dizzy. "I-" He swayed before he could figure out what he was going to say. Immediately, Death was at his side to hold him up. This time, Ashley didn't protest at the contact, gripping his arms for support.

"Shh, it's okay." His voice was low, soothing, though there was a noticeable undercurrent of distress that he was clearly trying to quash. "I'm so sorry, Ashley. You were never supposed to be hurt. I'll find a way to make up for it, I promise."

Ashley nodded faintly, barely comprehending his words. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against Death's shoulder, waiting for the dizziness to subside. He was too overwhelmed to be self-conscious. Also too overwhelmed to be conscious, period. Instead of subsiding, the dizziness welled up to envelop him, and Ashley welcomed it.

\---

The second awakening was better than the first. It wasn't silent this time, instead accompanied by the sound of rushing water and a gentle rocking. Ashley's half-conscious mind was also pleased to take note of the fact that he was nestled softly on what felt like a pillow or cushion, rather than on the ground.

He turned his head to the side, and the brush of fabric across his face dredged his memory back to the surface. He started, but the crushing horror didn't rush in at him like before. There was a muted displeasure and confusion still swirling inside him, but he felt calmer than expected.

"Ashley?"

He sat up, turning towards the voice. "Hm?" The veil still covered his face, but there was a sliver of light beneath the edge now. Reaching out, Ashley's hands found the cushioned seat he'd been laid out on, then smooth, polished wood. "Are we on a boat?" He realized that one of the sounds reaching his ears was that of oars dipping in and out of the water. "You're rowing?"

"Yes." Ashley thought that Death sounded somewhat relieved. He supposed he did faint pretty abruptly, after already upsetting his- his spouse. Husband.

Fucking hell, he was married.

"I didn't even get to decide what kind of decorations we had," he muttered, only somewhat aware that he had spoken aloud. He almost laughed, but didn't manage.

"What?"

Ashley shook his head. "Nothing. Why are we on a boat? Is this, uh- the river? There's supposed to be a river, yeah?"

"Yes," Death said, tone careful and measured. Ashley got the sense that he was watching him intently.

He smoothed his palm over the cushion he was sitting on. "I really am in the underworld, huh?"

"It's not a bad place," Death said. His voice was even, but Ashley didn't miss the faint strain under it. He almost felt sorrier for Death than he did for himself; thinking back on their initial exchange, it sounded like he'd really been looking forward to... well, collecting Ashley. Meeting his bride, or whatever.

All his thoughts seemed to circle back to that fact. He was married.  _They_ were married. Those bastards hadn't even let Ashley say his own vows.

Death continued speaking. "It's really nice, actually. There's lots of gardens, and there's an orchard around the palace. That's all ready for your arrival too, and um-" He fumbled over his words for a moment. "Well, it's all prepared, but you can... have your own room and chambers too, if you want. There are attendants. They'll make sure you're comfortable."

Ashley clasped his hands in his lap, silently taking in the unspoken implications; that the assumption had been that they would be sharing a room and likely a bed. It was difficult to work out how he was feeling at this stage. He wasn't  _pleased_ about his situation, but Death was clearly trying to treat him kindly. He was obviously distraught over the fact that Ashley hadn't been a willing participant in the ritual and true to his word, was trying to make up for it.

"I'll think it over," Ashley said finally, realizing that Death was waiting on his reply. He also realized that calling this man -- being, whatever -- "Death" as a proper address was quickly getting tiresome. "Um, so- sorry to change the subject, but you still don't have a name."

"I do not," he confirmed.

"I'm supposed to name you?"

A faint rustle of fabric and the clunk of the oars indicated that he'd shrugged. "It's traditional," was all he said.

Ashley moved to plant his hands on either side of himself, leaning back on them slightly as he thought. "...I dunno if I have any good names. What kind of a name do you look like?"

There was a soft exhale that might almost have been a laugh. "I don't know. What does it mean to look like a name?"

Ashley shrugged. "You know, you meet someone and learn their name, and you think, 'Yes, you look like somebody called by that name'. It's just a sense you get about a person, I guess."

"I don't know that I've ever had that experience." There was a faint note of amusement in his voice now. Ashley decided he preferred it to the downtrodden tone. "Do you look like an Ashley, then? What does that look like?"

Ashley reached up, brushing his fingers over the thick veil. "Are you asking to see? I thought you might take a look while I was out."

"It seemed like you didn't want me to." He paused, then continued, "But you shouldn't be self-conscious. You sound lovely."

Ashley couldn't quite muster a laugh, but he appreciated the effort. "I'm not wearing this thing because I'm self-conscious. It's so I don't go blind."

"Why would you go blind?" This time, he sounded genuinely baffled.

"Um." For the first time, it occurred to Ashley that if his village had gotten the marriage rite so wrong, not to mention the massive misinterpretation of Death itself, there was a very good chance that most of the other things he thought he knew about death and the underworld were also wrong. "Well, I... I mean, we were told that... uh, if you're mortal and you look at the realm of death, you're struck blind. Because it's... not for human eyes, and you can't comprehend it?"

There was a long pause.

"That doesn't make any sense."

Ashley huffed. "Well how was I supposed to know? I was also taught that the river was made of souls and that it would shriek at you when you tried to cross it, and obviously all of that was wrong too."

This time there was a genuine laugh, albeit just a short bark of one. "Oh no, the river does hold the souls of those waiting to be reincarnated."

Ashley quickly drew his hands in away from the sides of the rowboat. "This place is crazy!" He complained.

"The rest is nonsense, though," he continued over Ashley's protest, still sounding amused. "The river doesn't shriek, though sometimes if it's in a good mood, it will sing."

"Crazy," Ashley repeated, deadpan. A singing river did sound loads better than a screaming one, though.

"What else were you told?"

Ashley had the urge to stick his tongue out at how eager the voice sounded. "I'm not telling you, you'll make fun of me."

"I'm not making fun," he said, unconvincingly.

Ashley shook his head. "It doesn't really matter though, does it? I mean... the place where I grew up, it's so isolated from the rest of the world. It sounds like we've forgotten a lot. I should probably just accept that it's going to be different from what I expected." That was a rather easy concept to accept, given that he'd expected everything to be awful and horrifying, but he kept that to himself.

"Blindness and shrieking rivers and..." He trailed off for a moment. "What did you expect of me?"

Caught off-guard, Ashley had to consider. "I don't know," he admitted. "Death is never really... personified, I guess? I've never seen a depiction that doesn't just look like a dark cloud or something."

If he had, if he'd expected a god of death that sounded and felt and had emotions like a man, would he have been afraid?

Probably. He still wouldn't have been eager to die in the prime of his life, but at least if he'd known what really awaited him, that death was kind, he might not have been so quick to run.

"I really am sorry," the voice said after they had fallen silent for a while. "If I'd known, or Jinxx had, we'd have-"

"Jinxx?" Ashley interrupted before he could stop himself. "Who's that?"

"Oh, right. Jinxx was death before me."

"...What?" Ashley recalled what had been said before, about a new cycle, being newly born, and something else that he hadn't fully realized had been bothering him clicked into place. "So... you're not the first god of death."

"Oh, no. Right, you wouldn't know, would you? The very first god of death was born at the same time as the first living things. That was- well, it was so long ago that I don't know if there's a word for it. They did their job for far longer than any other death that came after, but eventually they... well, you just get tired, doing the same thing over and over again, don't you?"

"I guess so," Ashley said, though his mind was still boggling.

"So the first death created a new one to take their place, and it's continued like that on and on until now."

"So... every time there's a new god of death, there's a new... marriage?"

"Right. The new god of death is created and they collect the soul of the old death and their spouse. Then there's another wedding... or that's how it's supposed to work, anyway." His tone faltered slightly at the reminder of how badly botched their own wedding had been.

Ashley was too preoccupied with trying to work through what he'd just been told to really notice. "So you... killed the old death."

"Not in the way you'd think of killing another human, but yes. Essentially. I have his memories, and those of every god of death that's come before me, but Jinxx and his wife are..." There was a rustle and a swish of air as he made a sweeping motion at the surroundings. "They're waiting their turn now, with all the other souls."

"Oh," Ashley breathed. That was... he'd never expected that. "I always just thought that death was this... constant. That it's been the same forever."

"Nothing stays the same forever." His tone was more solemn than Ashley was used to after talking about the- well, the death of his mentor and predecessor. It dipped lower as he added, "I guess we should have thought of that when it comes to your people, too."

Ashley didn't have anything to say to that, still struggling to wrap his head around everything. At the very beginning of all of this, when he won the lottery, he'd thought that questioning whether there were gods at all was the most difficult thing he'd have to ponder, cosmology-wise.

Instead, here he was, getting rowed down an apparently-singing river, with a nameless husband who held all the memories of every god of death that had ever been.

"Wait, so... after Jinxx, uh... left. Were you... all alone?" It was difficult to string words together properly with all of this overwhelming his mind.

"Not completely. I mentioned that there are attendants, remember. There are all sorts of minor deities who keep things running. I can't actually personally collect every soul that's ready to pass on; there's too many. I mostly oversee things, and step in when I'm needed. Or when there's a special occasion." Like their marriage, Ashley mentally finished for him.

"But do you have any friends? ...Family?"

"No, nothing like that."

Ashley was now struggling to imagine an existence like that, where you end the lives of what were probably your only close companions and then just... wait. Wait for a stranger. For someone who may not even want you. He had changed his mind; he definitely did feel sorrier for Death than he did for himself. At least Ashley had grown up happy enough before his abrupt end, with family and friends and lovers. Even where he was now wasn't so bad. What he'd gone through to get here had been horrible, and every time his mind drifted towards it he forcibly directed his attention to something else, but now was... fine. It was peaceful, if nothing else.

"Hey... don't feel sad. It's just how things are." The tone was light and gentle again, sensing the path of Ashley's thoughts. "You're here now, too. I'm glad that you are, even if... even though it wasn't how either of us thought it would be. I'll try to make you happy, Ashley."

On a whim, Ashley reached out, groping blindly until he found one of the hands gripping the oars. He grasped it, and the movement of the rowing stopped in surprise. The hand released the oar, turning in Ashley's grasp to instead lace their fingers together.

"Look, I don't know what to say," Ashley admitted after a moment. "But, um, you've been really nice to me this whole time and made things a lot less traumatic than I thought they'd be? And I'm... I'm glad too. That you're here, and it's like this. And I mean, it's not like I'm going anywhere else, right? So we should... get to know each other or something, and I'll... I'll try to make you happy too, Andrew."

"Andrew?" The voice echoed, suddenly delighted. "Is that my name?"

Ashley laughed a little. "It's the first one I thought of, so I guess so."

"Say it again."

The first smile in... god, however long it had been, spread across Ashley's face. "Andrew. Andy."

"I have a nickname too?" Ashley could hear the grin in his voice.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it. Ashley and Andy." The genuine, unabashed glee in Andy's voice put a warmth in Ashley's chest.

For a while, up until this moment, he had been certain he'd never be happy again after what had befallen him.

Andy stopped rowing for a while after that, letting the current carry the boat. His hand stayed entwined with Ashley's as Ashley let him talk and ramble, more animated than before. There was little sense of how much time passed, with only the noise and movement of the river and their own voices around them. Ashley was curious about when they would reach their destination, and what waited there, but for once, he didn't mind if things stretched on.

They had more time than he'd ever anticipated having with someone, and there was a lot of catching up to do.

"You know," Andy said eventually, "You can take this off. You remember that, right?" His hand brushed against the edge of the veil, and Ashley almost started.

"I-" He sputtered. "...I forgot." He really had. He'd gotten used to not being able to see anything and just following the sound of Andy's movements and voice. It had been like that since he'd first woken up in the underworld, after all.

Andy burst out laughing, and Ashley smacked his arm. "Shut up! A lot's been going on, you know?"

"I know," Andy said, quieting himself.

He toyed with the edge of the veil, sliding one hand beneath it when Ashley didn't protest or brush him away. His fingers slipped up to cup Ashley's cheek much like he'd directed Ashley to do during their initial meeting. Ashley curled his fingers around Andy's wrist but made no move to remove his hand.

"Can I... take it off of you?"

"Yeah," Ashley said quietly, taken aback at the flutter in his chest. That was...

Well, it was what you were supposed to do after being married, wasn't it?

Andy's hand slid from Ashley's face, and he instead took hold of the veil's edge. There was a moment of hesitation, and then he slowly lifted it up and over Ashley's head.

Ashley squeezed his eyes shut as the light hit them. For a brief second, the fear returned -- what if he  _was_ struck blind after all? -- but Andy's voice interrupted it.

"Oh," he said. "You  _are_ good-looking."

Ashley was startled by his own laugh, eyes flying open. "What, you didn't believe me?"

"I did." Andy was grinning. He... was also good-looking, Ashley had to admit. Pale-skinned and dark-haired, startlingly blue eyes. He was dressed simply compared to Ashley's elaborate wedding robe, in a plain black tunic and pants. Intricate tattoos lined both his arms where the sleeves of the tunic rode up. His smile was bright and warm. Beautiful.

If death was to have a face, Ashley was glad it was the one before him.

Andy finished folding the veil back, hands sliding down to cradle Ashley's face instead of pulling away. His thumb stroked over Ashley's cheek as his look of mirth faded, replaced with surprisingly intense concentration. Ashley felt his face grow warm under the scrutiny. Or maybe he just thought he did, since his heart was no longer pumping. It didn't make a difference.

"What is it?"  _Now_ he felt self-conscious.

"Can I kiss you?"

Oh. Right, that was the other thing you were supposed to do.

"Y-yeah. If you want to."

Andy leaned in, a soft wash of warmth, and sealed his mouth over Ashley's. Ashley pressed one hand to his chest, fingers bunching in the fabric of his tunic. Andy pulled back just a fraction and then moved in again, kissing him more firmly. Ashley made a pleased noise into his mouth and slid his other hand up, twining his fingers into Andy's hair.

After several minutes, they broke apart. Ashley was almost surprised to note that neither of them was breathless, before he remembered that breathing was no longer a necessity.

Andy grinned at him crookedly. "Was that good?"

"Yeah. But you could stand to do it again." Ashley tugged him closer by the shirt before he was even finished speaking. Andy didn't hesitate to oblige him.

The river gleamed and burbled as it carried them on towards their destination, and the first notes of a voice in song floated up through the still air.


End file.
